My apologies, Delia

C - I want to make a fried egg, but we have no oil.



M - We have a quarter of a bottle of sunflower oil.



C - That's not enough!



D - Well, it's a non-stick pan, so it doesn't need much oil at all. You could probably make a fried egg without any oil in there.



C - Don't be stupid, that's not how you fry things. They need to be IN oil to cook.

It's the only logical explanation

(During an episode of How I Met Your Mother)


M - That woman had curly hair when we first saw her.



C - Oh. Why is that weird?



M - Because in that flashback her hair was straight. They must have changed the actress.



C - She might have straightened it.



M - They wouldn't have straightened her hair for a flashback.



C -  No! They have straightened her hair between takes. It's the only logical solution.



M - ...yes C.

Is this a donut I see before me?

Shakespeare is American, right?

It's okay. I like pancakes.

D - You have been stirring that cake mix for a while. Be careful, you don't want to overmix.


C - I have been making cakes since I was five. I know what I am doing. You stir cake mix for half an hour.


(Later)


C - Why is my cake flat?

Are you a boy or a girl?

TV - "...the man then had 15 cysts removed from his testicles."


C - Is that a man or a woman?

I think it grows on trees

You can make lasagne, can't you? I mean, it doesn't always come in jars and boxes and stuff, right? Normal people can make it, yeah?



Editors note - Lasagnes are hunted in the wild. They live in naturally cold countries like Russia and Poland, although there are lasagne farms in most countries. The Lasagne Free Range movement (of which I am a proud activist) is hoping to eradicate 50% of battery lasagnes by the year 2015. Also, there's a lot of controversy around the method with which they are killed. Battery lasagne have their legs removed at birth, and are force fed the off cuts of cows, which lead to mad lasagne disease (otherwise known as lasagne spongiform encephalopathy) outbreak in '89.

Sorry, Pluto

Because Pluto isn't a planet, does that mean it's gone?

Three rights don't make a left

Three wrongs make a right. 

She's got the power

(When shopping)


C - Why did that child just sit down?


M - I don't know. Let me go back in time and use my psychic powers. 

That's my goal

When I go on holiday I am going to pee in a hedge. That's my goal.