Nessie's best friend

C - I watched footage of mermaids. I can't believe they're real!



D - They're not.



C - It was very realistic CGI if it wasn't real.



D - It wasn't real.



C - They're like a cross between an alien and a fish!



D - No, they're not.

Or the next Eyensteyen

(When being congratulated on high grades)



Imagen if u [father] would of been cleaver. I may of been the next Harkins.

If you know what I mean

(When discussing the differences in water around the country.)



K - They have soft water up here, right?





D - Yeah, it's hard down south.



(K and D were giggling like children.)

If they're fans of SG1

(When watching Stargate: SG1.)



I wonder if they used the real Area 51. That would be cool.

Can anyone translate?

C - I used to have a go at you for ejecting my butt.



M - What?



C - For taking my games out of my PlayStation.



M - ...what?

Genuine pasta is made from the tears of children

(When eating a meal of pasta in tomato sauce.)



You can really tell the difference between real pasta and fake pasta.

Cloning adverts

(When watching the film Paul. Paul is an alien and is discussing why he wants to leave - they want to study him by taking stemcells.)



K - You can get stemcells from things like umbilical cords. Can they get them from Paul?





C - From billboards?



(We're hoping it was a misheard line.)

Nearly as scary as rubber ducks

(When watching Balls of Steel. Actors trick members of the public and do stunts. In this stunt, one man is going to dive into a 'pool of piranhas', but misses and falls into a fire, and jumps into the pool to put out the fire. The 'pool of piranhas' is a paddling pool, and the piranhas are obviously plastic toys.)




C - Would piranhas eat humans?


***


C - Are those real piranhas?

When a mummy and daddy love each other very much...

(When reading film trivia.)



D - In Jurassic park there's a sign early on that the dinosaurs can reproduce. Sam Neill on the helicopter has the two female ends of a seatbelt, and combines them to make a belt. Like two females reproducing.




C - So the dinosaurs are lesbians?





D - No. They reproduce. Like a man and a woman





C - I don't get it.




D - Two females make babies by becoming a mum and dad.




C - Ohhhh. Oh I get it now.

Close your eyes. Tell me what you see.

(When playing a catchphrase game.)




C - What do I have to do?





M - Say what you see.





C - Like, in the picture.





M - Well, yes.

It would reduce the overpopulation problem

C - Why don't all women have the implant to stop them having babies and periods?





D - There are side effects. And there would be no more children.





C - Why?

It's, like, common knowledge

(When watching the quiz show The Chase.)




Presenter - How many people are in a trio?




C - 2




Presenter - 3




C - Oh.




Presenter - Where is Venice?




C - France





Presenter - Which of these whales is known as the sea canary because of its singing? Beluga, Blue or Basking?





C - Beluga.





Contestant - Blue?




C - Oh my god, how can she not know that? God

It could mean 'thumped out'. Or 'tocked out'.

(During an episode of Stargate SG:1.)



C - Woah. That guy was TO-ed!



M - TO-ed?



C - Knocked out. TO-ed.



M - It's KO-ed.



C - Why?

People still die when they are killed

(During an episode of Stargate SG:1)



They are human, right? So when they die, they're dead?

Real bodies would attract crows, right?

Do not read this post if you do not like violence or gore. Skip to the ones below.




(When watching a documentary about Vlad the Impaler. He is said to be the man Bram Stoker's Dracula is based on. He killed people by impaling them on large wooden stakes, and then raising the poles to display the bodies. Most people were killed by their own weight forcing the poles further in when they were displayed. One instance created a 'forest of bodies' to scare away an invading army.)




M - I wonder if this is where scarecrows came from.




(We would all be intrigued to know.)

No matter how many times I speak, I speak in the same times

(When discussing sleeping patterns.)



D - No matter what time I go to sleep, and what time I wake up, I always go to sleep at about 3am.



M - What?



D - I got every sentence I had planned in my head, and merged them into one.

They could have had a 3D three

(We're all watching Catchphrase and competing against each other. A clue appears on the screen with the letters "dDD". The camera angle moves to show they are three dimensional.)



A - 3D!



(D and M both realise this at the same time, and nod their agreement. C looks confused.)



C - I don't get it.



A - There are three 'd's. And they are three dimensional.



C - But why are there three 'd's? And why is one small and two big?



D - It's just to make it more complex. And probably to stop someone from saying 'triple D'.



C - Oh. I still don't get it.

And on a larger scale, the USA is part of Europe. And Europe is part of the Soviet Union. And the Soviet Union is part of Australia.

C - Where is Antigua?

D - The Caribbean. So on a larger scale - near Mexico.

C - Oh. So it's a part of the USA.

It's a horrible STD

(When watching Catchphrase.)



Blue blood! That's from the royal family, right? They all had sex together and it made their blood turn blue.



(Blue blooded was the answer.)

Doesn't everyone know Queen and Brian May?

(When deciding whether every area is famous for something)



D - Oldham. What's Oldham famous for?



A - Brian Cox.



C - Who's he?



D - The scientist who used to be a musician.



C - Oh him. The only handsome science guy.



D - Some people would vote for Brian May though. Even though he's about 70 years old.



C - I don't know who that is.



D - He's in Queen.



C - What's Queen?



D - The band? He's the one with the hair.



C - I don't know what that is.



D - The band. Queen. Freddie Mercury. Brian May. Roger Taylor. And the other one that no one can name.



C - Okay. I know. I think. But who is the Brian one?



(The other one is John Deacon. We checked.)