That's blasphemy

(During The Shawshank Redemption)



C - The only good actors are American.



M - We have good actors too. Alan Rickman, Sean Connery...



C - Who are they?

Title competition

D - You're using your cutlery the wrong way round.



C - Oh, I thought something was wrong.



Got a good title for this post? Leave it in the comments.

Happy Christmas

Happy Christmas, readers. A new post is coming tomorrow that needs a title. Post comments for catchy titles from midnight.

Same difference

(When measuring up for a graduation cap)



C - How big does it say?



M - [Number] inches, just over.



C - What does it say now?



M - [Same number] inches, just over.



C - Urgh. That's wrong. (Flips over the tape measure) What does it say now?



M - [Number] centimetres. 



C - That's better.



M - But it's the same length. Just in centimetres.



C - No, it's the right number now.

Time flies when you're having fun

How do I write four and a half seconds? It’s 4:30 for four and a half minutes. Would it be 4.30 seconds?

Time travel does exist

(Whilst watching an anniversary programme about the Titanic)

M - The Titanic sunk 101 years ago today.

C - So what year did it sink? 19…23?

So do ducks

Icebergs float, right?

He died when he was killed (part two)

(When watching a dance act on Britain's Got Talent)



D - So this dance was the story of a man and woman who met at Stonehenge, danced on Tower Bridge, had a kid, and then the husband went to war and was killed.

C - That would have been a happier ending.

D - That is exactly what we saw though.

C - But he died.

D - That’s what being killed means.



He died when he was killed (part one)

There are no words that can make this quote less insulting

What’s cerebral palsy? Does that just mean he’s spasticated?

Editor's note: This flat is where political correctness goes to die.

Other editor's note: We really do not endorse the use of this word in any context ever.

It can be turned on and off at will

(When talking about watching a television programme being filmed)


She needed the toilet like every five minutes. Like, if you need to pee all the time, stop being pregnant.